So I did take the equipment up and do my grandparents fence and every little other thing I could possibly do. It was a great time and I know God used it to bring me closer to my family. A couple days ago a guy I work with had a cookout at his house and a bunch of us went to it. That was so much fun. Swimming and fireworks and wtheck good food. Chris can friggin cook. Tonight at Soujourn I started noticing something about me that God tends to remind me of often. Something I think a lot of us don't even think about but should. We all want so many things. I mean....I know for instance...I would love it if just one person ....one person in particular would just talk to me like nothing ever happened for one day even. Don't ask me why, its just what my heart screams for sometimes. Not that I can't live without it or that it really even bothers me much anymore, but I'm a person who hates things left undone. (and that my friends is completely undone.)

 

 My point is, I think I spend way too much time thinking about what I want in this life that doesn't even matter in the end and it ends up just hurting me more in the long run. You know how desires can go. Sometimes you can almost feel like its owed you to recieve something and it never comes. You could sit waiting for a thousand years and that door bell never rings, that email never comes, that perfect spouse never marries you. What do we do with the disappointments?  Only answer I keep coming up with is renewing my mind.

  Now renewing my mind can be a tricky thing. It takes me emptying every last bit of me out and allowing all of Christ in. I find that sometimes I almost have to poke my own eyes out to accomplish this. Everything I see, I want. Not everything I see is what Christ wants for me obviously.  The one thing I think I love Jesus for the most, aside from the major fact that he redeemed me from my sin is that when I'm with him....NOTHING else matters. And that isn't just some lie I tell myself to get past the pain of all those things. Its a fact. I mean he actually goes in and changes the way I look at everything. Thats pretty freakin amazing of him considering their were days I didn't even know if I wanted to believe in Him anymore.

 

  Thats the thing about Jesus....he remains faithful even when we are faithless. He is true when everything we think and feel is false and misleading. Regardless if Jesus and the Christian world view no longer feels like it can be easily boxed up and tucked into your life anymore....He remains. And that leads me right back to renewing my mind. This world wants you to believe things aren't what Jesus said they are. It wants you to believe that the values of life Jesus have laid out for us no longer apply to us or we somehow outgrew them. Let me tell you this...they are timeless and definite. Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound?????? God forbid. And thats God forbid for our own spiritual, physical and mental wellbeing as well as its what Jesus wants from us. These things would have never been said if they weren't meant for us to experience a life beyond what we think we are doomed to remain in. We make our own misery a big percent of the time. The first one we're willing to blaim is God and thats just silly. His words are faithful when all else is failing.

So I'm feeling pretty good right now. Honestly, I've been feeling good for quite some time. Work is awesome as usual and I just have this great feeling about everything. Chelsea is still here and I think things are going to be good for us. I dunno...I don't even have words for what I really want to say. I just know God has his hand on my life and always has. He seeks us when we don't want to be found. Its really quite amazing. I have some of the best friends a person could ever have. I want to thank them all for being here this past year in all the ways they were. I know even they can't take total credit for that though. I am just bursting with so much I can barely stand it. John says hes coming here soon and I can't freaking wait. Gonna do some recording and getting back to the real basics of Godly fellowship and just really seeing the Lord work. I know this all sounds a bit super spiritual but I really don't mind that much anymore. I've seen what this world has to offer and I'm ready to say no thanks. I'm ready to take my family back too.

  I am gonna try to take the van up this weekend and pressure wash my Mamaw and Papaw's privacy fence in their backyard and stain and protect it. I am betting that sucka is gonna look like a million bucks when I'm done with it. It's really nice to have a job that I can do that with even if its not what I want to do with the rest of my life. Tomorrow night I'm gonna jump in some membership classes at Sojourn and join up with that church since I've been going there so long. It will help me get ready for school again as well in many technical ways.

  I'm honestly open for whatever comes my way right now. I know God has my back and he has given me a sense of freedom and comfort in ways that I am forever grateful for. And with that...I'm out.

 

Jeff

 

It was your simple quiet statement.

"I loved you long before"

and then I knew I wasn't meant for this....

I knew I was meant for more.

Where the promise of this life will end...

a new day has begun...

You always said you were the best for me...

and now I know you've won...

My heart and mind and complete comfort...

my soul it craves your arms...

Where death has failed to empty...

Life for me has won.

 

So speak to me in words now...in a language I can understand...

give me all your love dear God...I can't bear this anymore.

 

And you said no more than I can handle....well my handle is wearing thin.

break down this door now...

I welcome you in.